Jeśli ktoś powie kobiecie: „Zaręczyłam się”, a ona mówi: „Nie zaręczyłaś mnie”, nie wolno mu (poślubić) jej krewnego, a ona może poślubić jego rodzinę. Jeśli ona mówi: „Zaręczyłaś mnie”, a on mówi: „Nie zaręczyłem się z tobą”, to może poślubić jej krewnego, a ona nie może poślubić jego rodziny. [Musimy być poinformowani zarówno o tym, jak mówi: „Zaręczyłam się z tobą”, jak i: „Jeśli ona mówi: Ty mnie zaręczyłaś”. Gdybyśmy bowiem nauczono nas tylko tego pierwszego, moglibyśmy pomyśleć, że tylko w porządku być zabronione swoim krewnym, bo może kłamać. Nie ma bowiem znaczenia dla człowieka, jeśli zabrania się bezinteresownie swoim krewnym, aby mógł kłamać i powiedzieć: „Ja cię zaręczyłem”, nawet gdyby tego nie zrobił Ale ona, która, jeśli mówi: „Zaręczyłaś mnie”, zabrania się wszystkim mężczyznom— może gdyby nie była tego pewna, nie powiedziałaby tego —więc on również powinien być zabroniony jej rodzinie, nawet jeśli dał jej szansę. Dlatego też jesteśmy poinformowani, że tak nie jest.] (Jeśli mówi :) „Zaręczyłam się z tobą”, a ona mówi: „Zaręczyłaś tylko moją córkę”, jest zabroniony krewnym starszego (tj. matka), a starsza jest dopuszczona do swoich krewnych. Jest dozwolony do krewnych młodszego, a młodszy do swoich. [Albowiem moglibyśmy pomyśleć, że skoro Tora przyznaje ojcu wiarygodność w stosunku do swojej córki, rozporządzenie rabiniczne przyznaje jej wiarygodność; dlatego też powiedziano nam inaczej.]
Bartenura on Mishnah Kiddushin
האומר לאשה קדשתיך וכו' – it is necessary for us to mention the case of when he says, “I have betrothed you,” and [the case] when she says, “you have betrothed me.” For if it (i.e., the Mishnah) [only] taught when he says to the woman: “I have betrothed you,” he is forbidden to her relatives while she is permitted to his relatives, I would think that the law is that she does not make herself forbidden to his relatives, for if he were to tell a lie, as a man doesn’t care [and hence speaks thus] if he forbids himself to her relatives for no reason, and he lies when he says, “I have betrothed you,” even though he has not [in reality] betrothed her, but she, when she states “You have betrothed me,” prohibits herself to the entire world until he gives her a Jewish bill of divorce, for if he had not established this for her, she would not have said it, and through her mouth he would be forbidden to all of her relatives, and even if he gave her a Jewish bill of divorce; this is what it comes to tell us, [that this is not the case]. (see Kiddushin 65a)
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English Explanation of Mishnah Kiddushin
Introduction
This mishnah and the next one deal with cases where a man says that he betrothed a certain woman and she contradicts him or where she claims that he betrothed her and he denies it.
The general principle upon which this mishnah stands is that a person can make a statement which impacts himself/herself but does not impact others. Stated otherwise, a person is believed with regard to personal consequences but not with regard to consequences to others.
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Bartenura on Mishnah Kiddushin
קדשתיך והיא אומרת לא קדשת אלא בתי וכו' – because you might think to say that since according to the Torah, the father is believed about his daughter, that the mother would be believed about her daughter, according to the Rabbis, but what it comes to tell us is that she is not believed.
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English Explanation of Mishnah Kiddushin
If he says to a woman, “I betrothed you,” and she says, “You did not betroth me”: he is prohibited to her relatives, but she is permitted to his relatives. The man claims he has betrothed the woman, and therefore he is believed with regard to himself. The consequence is that all of the woman’s relatives (daughter, mother, sister etc. for a full list see Yevamot 4:7) are prohibited to him, because according to him, he is betrothed to their relative. However, the woman denies that this man betrothed her. Hence she is not prohibited to his relatives.
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English Explanation of Mishnah Kiddushin
If she says, “You betrothed me,” and he says, “I did not betroth you,” he is permitted to her relatives but she is prohibited to his relatives. This is the opposite case. Since she claims to be betrothed to him, she is prohibited from marrying his relatives. Since he denies being betrothed to her, he is permitted to her relatives.
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English Explanation of Mishnah Kiddushin
“I betrothed you,” and she says, “You betrothed my daughter,” he is forbidden to the relatives of the senior [the mother], but the senior is permitted to his relatives; he is permitted to the junior’s [the daughter’s] relatives, and the junior is permitted to his relatives. The mishnah adds a wrinkle to the previous cases. Here the husband claims that he betrothed a woman and she responds that he didn’t betroth her but rather he betrothed her daughter (again, one can imagine a Hollywood scenario lurking behind this mishnah!). As above, he is prohibited to her relatives because he claims that he betrothed her. The mother (the senior woman) is not prohibited to his relatives, because she claims that she is not betrothed to that man. The man is not prohibited to the daughter’s relatives because he denies having betrothed her. The daughter is also permitted to his relatives, since she didn’t claim that she was betrothed to him, but rather the mother did. A mother does not have the legal ability to give her daughter in betrothal and hence, unlike a father who does have such a legal ability, she is not believed to say that she has done so.
