No começo eles disseram: Três mulheres saem e tomam sua kethubah: Uma que diz: "Eu sou impuro para você" [O exemplo é o da esposa de um Cohein, que foi proibido ao marido por ter sido forçado. Ela não perde o kethubah. Os sábios acreditavam que ela se proibia de seu marido. E desde que ela sai com um bom proveito, ela pega seu kethubah, que é derivado do que está escrito no próprio kethubah, a saber: "Se você se casar com outro, levará o que está escrito para você."], "Céu entre eu e você!" [A gemara explica: Ele não "dispara como uma flecha" (e não pode gerar filhos); isto é, coisas que são conhecidas do céu e que ela não pode declarar explicitamente. O exemplo é aquele em que ela vem com uma alegação (válida), a saber: "Quero que uma equipe se incline e uma enxada cavar minha cova" (ou seja, um filho para me apoiar na velhice e prover meu enterro); caso contrário, é-lhe dito: "Vá, você não tem ordem de produzir e multiplicar".]] "Fui tirado dos judeus". [Ela proíbe coabitar-se com todo o Israel. E mesmo que digamos (Kethuvoth 71a) que, se ela jurou (não coabitar), ela sai sem um kethubah, pois "ela colocou o dedo entre os dentes", Rashi explica (Yevamoth 112a) que desde que ela proíbe a coabitação com em todo o Israel, ela certamente deve estar fazendo isso forçosamente, a relação sexual é dolorosa para ela. E o primeiro Mishnah sustentou que isso nem mesmo constitui "coisas entre ele e ela", pois ele pode se divorciar dela.] Mas então eles se retiraram, dizendo (em explicação): Para que uma mulher não "olhasse os olhos" para outra e errado o marido. ["As gerações se deterioraram", e temiam que ela mentisse para se libertar do marido.] Mas se ela disser: "Eu sou impura", ela deve trazer provas de suas palavras [e não se acredita sem provas.] ( Se ela disser :) "Céu entre eu e você", eles "funcionam mediante solicitação". [Eles pedem que ela não fale assim. O Yerushalmi explica: Eles fazem um banquete de reconciliação.] (Se ela disser :) "Fui tirada dos judeus", ele anula o que lhe pertence, [seu voto envolvendo "coisas entre ele e ela", que ele pode anular para si mesmo], para que ela coabite com ele e seja "tirada dos (outros) judeus".
Bartenura on Mishnah Nedarim
האומרת טמאה אני לך – we are speaking of the wife of a Kohen, that is forbidden to her husband through unavoidable acci and she does not lose her Ketubah [settlement]. And the Sages believed her to forbid herself upon her husband, and since she leaves [the marriage] with a Jewish bill of divorce, she takes her Ketubah [settlement], that from the document of her Ketubah we will learn, that when you get married to another [man], take what is written for you.
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English Explanation of Mishnah Nedarim
Introduction
One of the thorniest problems in halakhah is that a woman may not initiate divorce. If a woman is stuck in a bad marriage and wants to be divorced, it is difficult, if not impossible, for her to force her husband to divorce her and still receive her ketubah. We should however note that in talmudic times it was not impossible for a woman to force her husband to divorce her if she was willing to forego her ketubah. Unfortunately, today, even this is difficult.
Our mishnah contains fascinating testimony regarding attempts that women made to force their husbands to divorce them. Originally, these attempts were effective, for the sages believed the woman’s claims. However, when they began to suspect these women of lying so that they could marry others, they changed the laws such that these claims would not be an effective means by which a woman could force her husband to give her a divorce and her ketubah.
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Bartenura on Mishnah Nedarim
השמים ביני ובינך – It explains in the Gemara (Tractate Nedarim 91a) that [his] spermatic emission which does not permeate (i.e., shoot forth) like an arrow, that is to say, that things that are before heaven are revealed and she cannot verify them. And we are speaking of when she comes on account of a claim that she stated, that I require a staff for the hand and a master for the grave (which Rashi explains that the staff is for her to lean on in her old age and she dies, he will bury her) for it if is not this, we say to her, go, you do not have marital connection with “being fruitful and multiplying” (see Genesis 1:28 and 9:7 – as it is the male’s prerogative only).
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English Explanation of Mishnah Nedarim
At first they would say that three women must be divorced and receive their ketubah: She who says: “I am defiled to you”; “Heaven is between me and you”; “I have been removed from the Jews.” The mishnah mentions three claims that used to work in forcing a husband to divorce his wife. 1) “I am defiled to you”. The Talmud explains that this claim is made by a priest’s wife who says that she has been raped. As we have learned, a priest may not stay married to his wife if she has had sexual intercourse with someone prohibited to her, even if the intercourse was against her consent. 2) “Heaven is between me and you”. Some commentators interpret this to be a veiled reference to the husband’s inability to perform the sexual act. She is saying, as distant as the heaven is from the earth, that is how distant you and I are from each other in sexual matters. 3) “I have been removed from the Jews”. This refers to a vow she made not to receive sexual benefit from Jews, which includes her husband. She may have made the vow because sexual intercourse is not pleasurable for her. The sages believed these statements because they assumed that a woman would not make such things up.
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Bartenura on Mishnah Nedarim
נטולה אני מן היהודים – that she forbade sexual connection of all Israelites upon her. But even though we stated in the chapter [Tractate Ketubot, chapter 7; Talmud Ketubot 71a] “He who prohibits his wife by vow from deriving benefit from him,” where she vowed and she is divorced without a Ketubah [settlement] and she placed her finger between her teeth, Rashi explained in [Tractate] Yevamot [112a] since she prohibited the benefit of sexual intercourse of all Israelites upon her, she is certainly a victim of unfortunate circumstance, for sexual intercourse is difficult for her. And the earlier version of the Mishnah held that even things are that are between him and her don’t exist, and it is possible that he can divorce her.
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English Explanation of Mishnah Nedarim
But subsequently they changed the ruling to prevent her from setting her eye on another and spoiling herself to her husband: She who said, “I am defiled unto you” must bring proof. “Heaven is between me and you” they [shall appease them] by a request. “I have been removed from the Jews” he [the husband] must annul his portion, and she may have relations with him, and she shall be removed from other Jews. When the sages saw that women were lying and using these claims to leave their husbands because they wanted to marry someone else, they came up with other solutions to these problems. These solutions did not allow the woman to force her husband to divorce her and pay her ketubah. 1) If she says that she has been raped, she must bring proof. Until she does so, she is not believed and she is not prohibited to her husband, nor is he forced to divorce her. 2) If she complains that her husband cannot function sexually, the sages should try to bring them together with words of reconciliation. This may have been the rabbinic equivalent of going to a sex therapist. 3) If she says that she made a vow not to have sex with Jews, the husband may annul that part of the vow that prohibits her from having sex specifically with him, and she will be prohibited from having sex with other Jews, even should she be subsequently divorced. Congratulations! We have finished Nedarim. It is a tradition at this point to thank God for helping us to finish learning the tractate and to commit ourselves to going back and relearning it, so that we may not forget it and so that its lessons will stay with us for all of our lives. Despite the fact that some of these mishnayoth may have been slightly obscure, we should remember what an important role vows played in the religious life of Jews in the mishnaic and talmudic periods. Vows were a way of turning everyday matters into issues of greater significance, from matters between human beings and other human beings, to matter between human beings and God. Learning the laws of vows, and especially how to get out of vows, shows us how humans can make mistakes, get out of them, and yet retain their ultimate covenant with God. Congratulations on making it through this difficult tractate. May you have the strength and time to keep on learning more Mishnah! Tomorrow we begin Nazir.
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Bartenura on Mishnah Nedarim
חזרו לומר כו' – that the generations were corrupted and they suspected that she is lying to release her from under her husband.
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Bartenura on Mishnah Nedarim
תביא ראיה לדבריה – and we don’t believe her without proof.
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Bartenura on Mishnah Nedarim
יעשו דרך בקשה – they would request from her that she not speak any further to him, but in the Jerusalem Talmud it explains, “let them make a meal [together] and let him appease her.
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Bartenura on Mishnah Nedarim
יפר חלקו ותהא משמשתו – and these are things between him and her and he will absolve it to himself.
