Moussar sur Avot 5:23

And every prudent man acts with knowledge, and his eyes foresee the thoughts and tricks of his children; and if he had the power, he would prevail to distance his son from “being a man that knows hunting” [(i.e. unlike Esau, see Genesis 25:27)]. And he should distance him from lies, for truth is the foundation of [all] building. And he should exert himself to distance his son from disgraceful things and from uttering oaths, and thus distance him from any trace of a prohibition, ugliness, and anything similar [Chullin 44b]. And in particular from the sins of youth one requires extra protection, knowledge, caution, and alacrity. And he should not trust his sons, nor should he be confident to say: “my son does not follow the advice of the wicked and does not stand on the path of sinners”, for there is no guardian against licentiousness (Ketubot 13b, Chullin 11b). And all who are greater than their fellows have a greater [evil] inclination than them (Sukkah 52a). And immaturity affects much, and evil companions affect much (Mishnah Sotah 7a). Therefore, one should greatly strengthen himself to distance his sons from [such] friends with all he has at hand, and to strive for them with all his might to ensure that they stay on the good road and observe the ways of the righteous (Proverbs 2:20). This is the core of the pain of raising children, and “according to the pain is the reward” (Avot 5:23). He will be happy from the product of his loins [i.e. his children] in this world, and his soul will rejoice in the world to come.

And one also needs to strengthen himself to arouse his love [for his wife] so that his children will not be the children of a hated wife, G-d forbid, and “according to the pain is the reward” (Avot 5:23). And the fence to prevent disputes from arising in the home is to not examine every household expenditure down to the penny, for a woman who is jealous of her peer is as difficult as Sheol [the grave]. Therefore, a man should increase the honor of his home as he is blessed, each thing in its [proper] time, and appease his wife, for blessing does not rest in a home except for the sake of his wife (Bava Metzia 59a). And peace at home is important to the point that it is permissible to dissolve the Great Name [of Hashem] to bring peace between man and wife (Nedarim 66b). Therefore one should greatly strengthen himself to remove evil from his home and to induce the Shekhinah to enter it.

And similarly one must fulfill the mitzvah of “and do good” in speech and in action. In speech, [one should] say good and proper things to make people happy: for example, by sharing good news, giving good advice, and removing obstacles from another person’s path, [i.e.] by informing him if one becomes aware that any harm may befall him in any way, and comforting him in his time of distress, and many other similar things. And in action, one should perform acts of kindness, both physically and financially. Just as one would want others to act for him, and to have mercy upon him, and inconvenience themselves to have mercy on him, likewise he should act in order to perform acts of kindness and fulfill the mitzvah of loving your neighbor as yourself. “Happy is the man who does this and the son of man who lays hold on it” (Isaiah 56:2). “According to the pain is the reward” (Avot), for according to the pain one gives satisfaction to his creator. And just as a father has compassion on his children and “a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17) [see Rashi there for what this means], so too each person should help his fellow, for “we are all one man’s sons” (Genesis 42:11); we are brothers. And just as one cares for one of his limbs, so to one must care for every person of Israel, for all of us are like one person; like one body.