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רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן אֶלְעָזָר אוֹמֵר, אַל תְּרַצֶּה אֶת חֲבֵרְךָ בִשְׁעַת כַּעֲסוֹ, וְאַל תְּנַחֲמֶנּוּ בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁמֵּתוֹ מֻטָּל לְפָנָיו, וְאַל תִּשְׁאַל לוֹ בִשְׁעַת נִדְרוֹ, וְאַל תִּשְׁתַּדֵּל לִרְאוֹתוֹ בִשְׁעַת קַלְקָלָתוֹ:
Р. Шимон бен Элазар говорит: не ублажай своего друга во время гнева его [как написано (Исход 33:14): «Лицо мое пойдет, и я успокою тебя», - говорит Святой Моисей Моисею) : «Подожди, пока пройдет лицо Мое гнева».] И не утешай его, пока его мертвый лежит перед ним. [Ибо во время разрушения (Иерусалима) Святой, как бы он ни был, был в трауре; и когда служащие ангелы пытались утешить Его, Святой Дух сказал им: «Не спешите утешать Меня» и не пытайтесь [«открыть», чтобы освободить его от его обета] во время его обета. [Ибо тогда для каждого открытия, которое вы найдете для него, он будет говорить: «Да, именно с этим пониманием я поклялся», и вы больше не сможете найти отверстие для него. И мы видим, что, когда Святой Благословен, Он поклялся Моисею, что он не войдет в землю, он не сразу умолял Его, но подождал, а потом начал умолять Его.] И не пытался увидеть его в время его уничтожения [грехом. Ибо тогда ему стыдно за всех людей. Как мы находим с Адамом— когда он согрешил, Святой был благословен, чтобы Он не явился им (Адаму и Еве), пока они не сделали пояса, как написано (Бытие 3: 7): «И сделали они пояса», после чего написано ( Там же 8): «И услышали они голос Господа Б-га».]
Tosafot Yom Tov on Pirkei Avot
WHILE THE BODY LIES BEFORE HIM. Midrash Shmuel writes in the name of Rashbatz that the mishna should read “do not comfort him while he is in mourning,” and that the versions that read “while the body lies before him” are the result of a deliberate alteration of the text to account for fact that after burial, people would make rows and comfort the mourner, as is mentioned in Avel Rabbati179Known as tracte Semachot. and in the Talmud in Berachot 16b. He says that there is no reason to change the text, however, because it doesn’t say “during his days of mourning” or “during his mourning process.” The text says “while he is mourning,” i.e. while he is in mournful grief. [*I still feel that this is difficult to reconcile with the practice of making rows. According to this, if the bereaved is indeed in a state of mournful grief they shouldn’t comfort him, and we do not find the Sages making this distinction.]
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Rabbeinu Yonah on Pirkei Avot
Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar says: Do not assuage the anger of your friend at the time of his anger: As through this, he will come to say inappropriate things about him, as he will add anger to his anger.
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Rambam on Pirkei Avot
This is clear and they are matters of ethics in the improvement of human society by the placement of a word in a place where it will be effective.
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Bartenura on Pirkei Avot
"Do not try to assuage the anger of your friend at the time of his anger": As it is written (Exodus 33:14), "My presence (literally, face) will go and I will give you to rest" - said the Holy One, blessed be He, to Moshe, "Wait until My face of anger passes" (Berakhot 7a).
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English Explanation of Pirkei Avot
Introduction
Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar was a student of Rabbi Meir and a colleague of Rabbi Judah Hanasi.
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Derekh Chayim
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Rabbeinu Yonah on Pirkei Avot
do not console him at the time when his deceased lies before him: As at the time of sadness, consolation [brings] anger to him, and he will come to say things that are not good.
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Bartenura on Pirkei Avot
"do not console him at the time when his deceased lies before him": As at the time of the [Temple's] destruction - as if it were possible - the Holy One, blessed be He, was mourning. [When] the ministering angels tried to console Him, the holy spirit answered them, "Do not rush to console Me."
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English Explanation of Pirkei Avot
Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar said: Do not try to appease your friend during his hour of anger; Nor comfort him at the hour while his dead still lies before him; Nor question him at the hour of his vow; Nor strive to see him in the hour of his disgrace. The first two statements in this mishnah are statements of sound psychological advice. Appeasing a friend while he is still angry is not going to be effective, nor will trying to offer comfort to a mourner before he has buried his dead. Nor question him at the time of his vow: this refers to something called “the undoing of vows” (we will learn this subject in greater detail when we learn tractate Nedarim (vows). If a person takes a vow not to do something, for instance see his father, but then wants to do that which he vowed not to do, he may ask a sage to “undo his vow”. The way that a sage does this is by asking him questions to see if he may have vowed not fully understanding the consequences. For instance the sage might ask him, “when you vowed not to see your father did you know that it would cause your parents such emotional pain?” Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar teaches that one should not ask these questions right at the time of his vow, for not enough time has passed for him to regret taking the vow. At this time he is still angry and he will not want to get out of his vow. Nor strive to see him in the hour of his disgrace: when a person has just done something disgraceful, he doesn’t want anyone to see him. Therefore you should avoid him during this time, for it will be embarrassing to him to be seen and may cause him to take his anger out at you.
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Rabbeinu Yonah on Pirkei Avot
do not question him at the time of his vow: That he should not ask him about all the openings of permission (that can be used later to annul the vow) to say, "Did you vow with this intention?" As when he is still angry and making the vow, he will come to express all of the questions that they ask him and place them into [the wording] of the vow in [such] a way that no opening will be able to be found for him. And it comes out that he causes him bad.
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Bartenura on Pirkei Avot
"do not question him at the time of his vow": to find an opening (loophole) to annul his vow. Because then, on each and every opening that you find for him, he will say, "I made the vow with that in mind [meaning that he wanted the vow to be operative in spite of the loophole]" - and then you will no longer be able to find him an opening. And we have found that when the Holy One, blessed be He, swore to Moshe that he should not enter the Land, he did not plead immediately, but rather waited and afterwards began to plead.
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English Explanation of Pirkei Avot
Questions for Further Thought:
• What do these four sayings have in common?
• What do these four sayings have in common?
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Rabbeinu Yonah on Pirkei Avot
and do not seek to see him and to embarrass him also now at the time of his humiliation - at the time of the damage or if he did a sin and he is embarrassed about himself, you should not see him and embarrass him [more].
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Bartenura on Pirkei Avot
"at the time of his humiliation": when he is humiliated by sin, as he is embarrassed from everyone. And so [too] do you find that when Adam sinned, the Holy One, blessed be He, did not reveal Himself to them until they made loincloths, as it is written (Genesis 3:7), "and they made for themselves loincloths," and afterwards, "and they heard the voice of the Lord God."
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